Adanna Women’s Support Group June 2021- Women’s Talk meeting- rediscovering yourself after a major life changing event.

As women, we experience several life changing events and make many life decisions that have an impact on us in a way that makes us lose our sense of who we are. This is mainly because we tend to put ourselves last when making daily life decisions.

 In this months women’s talk we looked at the importance of finding or re discovering  yo

urself and how it could positively impact what you choose to do in your life.

The Women’s Talk event started with a guest speaker Sadia, a former lawyer and now a career coach. She talked about her life’s journey  to get to where she is today explaining how she changed her career and the impact of the life decisions she made when she put herself first.

Here are some of the takeaways from the meeting….

Why do women go through life and lose the sense of who they are along the way?

Fear

Feel the fear and do it anyway. Many women put off making important decisions about their career out of fear of the unknown. Fear is an emotion that is there to keep us safe and away from danger as human beings. However, if you allow fear to control you rather than guide you it will take over and not allow you to make positive decisions that are necessary for your amazing growth and development. .

Being afraid isn’t a bad thing it allows us to stay conscious and be wary of the decisions we are about to make. It is important to listen to the reasons your inner voice that is saying ‘don’t do it’, but make sure you balance it out with the reasons why you ‘should do it’.  Do not let fear talk you out of doing that thing that would help you achieve what you have always wanted for yourself.

Happiness

It is important to put your happiness first. As Women we tend to put ourselves last, especially once we have children and family commitments. This often means that we are left feeling drained, there is nothing left for us in terms of energy or ideas to help us to develop ourselves or to keep happy. We tend to do everything to make other people happy and forget that we also need to make ourselves happy. In order for you to be the best version of yourself you need to do things that make you happy first so that you have enough reserves to adequately help others.  Not doing it this way leads many women to feelings of resentment, frustration and disillusionment or even in some cases depression that comes from a lack of fulfilment in their own desires.

The key to success and self fulfilment is to look after yourself first. Put yourself as the first item on your daily to do list. Do at least one thing every day just for you that makes you happy. This doesn’t mean you are selfish in anyway. It allows you to tap into who you are and helps to develop a sense of self confidence and resilience which is needed to deal with life’s challenges effectively.. Know and understand that if you are happy, you can make everyone around you happy.

Inner critic

Let your inner critic guide you but not control you. Inner critic is something we all have; it is our subconscious voice inside that puts you down, tells you, you are not good enough and makes you question your abilities and decisions. Your inner critic is  constantly questioning your ability and making you reconsider your decisions. It is there to protect you in human nature. Questions such as ‘what will others say?’,’ it won’t work, you will fail and ‘you are not good at this’. are all things you would have told yourself at some point when you were faced with a big decision.

Going back to work after a major life changing situation such as a serious illness, having children, changing career, etc can cause you to have low confidence with yourself and your abilities.

As damaging as it can feel having a conversation with your inner critic and questioning yourself it is an important conversation to have. But instead of agreeing with your inner critic say….’thank you for that observation and why do you think this?’ Asking why can help silence the negative noise and chatter in your head that is about use false and past beliefs to stop you from moving forward. Respond to the inner critics points with your inner cheerleader voice. The decision you make and how you deal with any future decisions as a result of this conversation will you propel you forward positively and create a better and happier version of yourself.

Inner cheerleader

Let your inner cheerleader be the loudest voice you hear. The opposite to your inner critic i

s your inner cheerleader. This is the subconscious voice that is your number one supporter, your biggest fan. Your inner cheerleader encourages you with every decision you make, wanting to see you succeed and be happy. This is the voice in your subconscious that  you should relate to and converse with more than your inner critic. However, for some reason for most women /people who have been through challenging times the inner critic is much louder and often drowns out the voice of the inner cheerleader. If you listen to and encourage your inner cheerleader, you will see a much more positive impact in the decisions you make for your career and your life. Use your inner cheerleader to drown out the voice of your inner critic.

Have a curious conversation with yourself.

One of the most important points that came out of the session was to have a conversation with yourself. Having a conversation with yourself can be a form of self-care. Asking yourself if you’re okay and if you’re happy with where you are and what you are doing is something that can have a major impact on the decisions you make in your life. If you are not happy you should then ask yourself what you are going to do to change that ‘unhappy’ state to a ‘happy one’.  By then listening to your inner critic tell you all the reasons why you can’t change an

d your inner cheerleader convincing you that you can do it you would then begin to generate the ideas for actions you should take to ensure you’re happy with the career or life you’re in and what you could do to improve your situation if you are not.

Overall this women’s talk event was informative and allowed us to understand the importance of taking a chance and making sure your career and your life matters and most of all makes you happy.